How to Buy a Used Submarine

It seems everyone has  his or her Idea of what to look for in a Submarine. Some want the vessel to get to the bottom of the sea quickly. To others the surface ride is important. Yet others demand more comfort and luxury, and yet others want a submarine that can carry a big load.

Me, I personally like a used nuclear submarine. I find they provide fast submerging capability along with pretty good comfort and the ability to carry fairly large loads.

However, more important than performance features are safety features. No one wants a submarine that submerges and can’t surface. Also, if the used sub you are looking at has torpedoes, make sure they carry the Underwriters Label, and are kid safe.  I don’t know how many times I have heard of tragic stories where a kid hits the torpedo launch button on his dad’s sub, and whoosh………….. some poor guy in a sailboat is shark bait.

You just as well make up your mind that your used submarine will be a nuclear model. The diesel ones are pretty rare and   if you did find one it could be more like an anchor than a boat.

Some people like personal submarines. These are smaller vessels more useful for tourists or underwater marine scientists than true adventurers. You can buy a personal sub, but I warn you there will be limitations on what you can do, number of friends who can be aboard, etc. I really suggest if you can’t afford a nuclear sub to save up for one. You will be glad you did.

If possible you should take your submarine out for a test cruise. Three months is a good length, but many times people don’t have three months to submerge. So, if it has to be a shorter voyage, let it be!

Warning! I can’t say this enough times. Make sure your hatches are properly shut before you take your sub out for a cruise. Also, don’t drink and submarine. I can’t begin to tell you how many beer-drinking submariners forgot to batten down the hatches before they went into dive mode. The results can make your sub sink like a can filled with water.

Many people ask what color of sub shall I buy? Gray is the preferred color. Of course some like the owner of the submarine in the above picture think pink makes a nice contrast.

If you happen to buy a yellow submarine make sure you air it out before you take it on its first dive. Otherwise you might find the residue smoke in the Yellow Submarine makes you ponder the meaning of life rather than the meaning of the depth gauge.

There are many different uses for a submarine. Some people like to take their subs and watch fish, others enjoy the smooth travel when cruising submerged. Personally I like to play war. Here is how I do it. I remove the explosives from my torpedo heads and replace them with peanut butter. Then, I make an underwater approach on an unsuspecting pleasure boater. When I am about 200 yards away I raise my periscope and hit the button that launches my peanut butter torpedoes. I love the whoosh the torpedoes make when they leave the tubes. Better yet I love to hear them smash into the hulls of my targets. The torpedoes will usually break through the hulls and as they do the peanut butter explodes covering everything with a sticky coating of peanut butter.

The boat owner doesn’t know what hit him. One moment he is cruising wasting a lot of fuel, the next moment bwoom! He’s been peanutpedoed. Why do I use peanut butter? There is a processor in Georgia who sells it cheap but the buyer must promise not to use it as food.

On the surface you must obey the basic boat traffic rules like other surface vessels. However, once you submerge you are free to travel as you please. A word of caution. I would make sure you have the most up to date depth charts if you are submerging around costal areas.

So, buy a good quality used submarine, don’t drive drunk, use your head, and you can have years of submariner fun. Good submerging!